


Personal

by Queequeg0323



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Diana Fowley mentions, Episode: s06e15 Arcadia, POV Dana Scully, POV Fox Mulder, Post-Episode: s05e07 Emily, Post-Episode: s06e12 One Son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25451308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queequeg0323/pseuds/Queequeg0323
Summary: Mulder and Scully are in California for their undercover assignment in Arcadia. While there, Scully tries to work through unresolved tension still lingering from One Son she is still also dealing with the loss of Emily. A blast from the past helps distract her.
Relationships: John Kresge/Dana Scully
Comments: 11
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

_You’re making this personal._

Fuck him.

No really. Fuck him. It’s not as if I’ve lost my sister, my daughter, my autonomy, any hope at further professional developments because of my work with him. But that was my choice. I made that choice years ago to follow him on his quest because it is fucking personal. 

It’s not as if his entire career with the x-files has been driven by his own personal goals to find his sister. He can’t even read a case file about a young woman without seeing Samantha’s face. But, I’ve never held this against him, just done what I could as his partner to try to keep him right and comfort him when he doesn’t take care of himself and breaks down. Our partnership has been on the personal side of professional for years now. 

So really, fuck him for throwing that in my face when an old flame returns. I have no evidence that he was fucking Diana Fowley again, but I really wouldn’t put it past him. A woman he trusts blindly despite the evidence the Gunmen and I have shown him. I see why he likes her. Tall, large breasts, flowy brown hair. Just old enough to combat his mommy issues. And let’s not forget, manipulative as fuck. Not unlike that british bitch from years ago who came just to toy with him then throw him away when she was done. 

I feel for him. I really do. I care about the guy so much. But he makes it so easy for these women to manipulate him. He makes himself an easy target. He’s needy, eager to please, and so willing to trust. Personality traits I had to get abducted to really experience from him. As a psychologist and profiler, you’d think he’d know better. 

Ever since that night, things have been especially rocky for us. We did what we do best. Swept it under the rug. Don’t talk about it. Somedays, when he’s excitable, in a good mood, and gazing at me tenderly, I forget. I think we can get past this. But other days, like today, I swear I could shoot him again. 

Here in this stupid house pretending to be married. Maybe another time this would have been a fun assignment. But now with Mulder here making jokes, putting his arm around me, and acting as if there’s nothing amiss, the words play on repeat in my mind. Making me angry beyond words all over again. On my birthday weekend no less. You think he remembered this year? Yeah, right. This is the last place I want to be right now. That’s why I feel an immense gratitude when I have the opportunity to go down to the San Diego field office. It gives me a chance to breathe, get away from Mulder for a little bit, and interact with other people for a chance. 

While I’m heading out of the office, I see a particular person I wouldn’t mind interacting with walking towards me. While my time with him last Christmas had not been entirely pleasant and was a time of a lot of personal turmoil for me, we did eventually warm up to each other. And he’s just as hot as I remember. Possibly hotter. 

“Dana Scully,” He says warmly as we approach each other. 

“John Kresge. I’m surprised you remembered me.” I smile reaching out my hand to shake his. He instead reaches around for a gentle hug. I tense slightly, taken off guard, but soon relax into his arms relishing in the comfort I didn’t realize I’ve been in need of. He pulls back and smiles at me as if we’ve known each other for years.

“You’re far too modest. You made Christmas last year very memorable. I was actually thinking about you this year. Just a general wondering how you were doing. What spooky happenings you were up to.” He now has a flirtatious smirk and I can’t help the blush that creeps onto my damn pale cheeks. Feeling a bit flustered I can’t muster much out other than a slight giggle and nod. “So what are you doing back in our neck of the woods? Causing trouble no doubt.”

I let out an embarrassing laugh at this. “I’m actually here on an undercover case with my partner. I just brought some evidence to be analyzed to your office.” He gives me a look over and I curse the stupid clothes I’ve been forced to wear for this case. 

“That explains why you look... like this.” He gestures broadly at my appearance. 

“What? You don’t like my domestic attire?” He laughs at this and I can’t help but join in.

“No, no. It looks great. Just doesn’t really look… like you.” The blush on my cheeks deepens. It’s not like men don’t flirt with me generally. Just not men that I would ever consider pursuing. And John Kresge, I would definitely consider. Thankfully he seems to share this interest. “So, how long are you in town for?”

“Not too long hopefully. It really depends on how long it takes for us to crack this case.”

“Oh right! You and your partner. Miller, was it?” He seems taken aback by the mention of my partner. I catch his purposeful misidentifying Mulder with his slight smirk. I can’t help but smirk along with him. 

“Mulder actually and yes.” I barely suppress the eye roll that his name currently causes me. 

“Well listen, I’m sure you’re very busy on your big undercover case with _Mulner_ , but if you get a night off I’d love to take you to dinner sometime. Just catch up.” The way he’s looking at me, fills me with a warmth I haven’t felt in so long.

“I would really like that. I think I still have your number. I'll give you a call when we wrap up and we’ll see if things align.” I don’t want to be too optimistic, but I can’t help the quickening of my heart rate.

“I am immensely looking forward to it, Dana Scully.”

With that we go our own ways. Him deeper into the office and me back to a cold, frustrating house with Mulder. I only hope that this stupid case ends quickly so I can take John up on his offer. 

\--------------------

The stupid case is finally over. Something about a garbage monster? Whatever, I’ll be more thorough when I’m writing my report. For now, all I can focus on is giving John a call to plan a night to help me forget. Mulder and I pull up to a motel as we are unable to get a flight back out to D.C until the morning. Well for him. What he doesn’t yet know is that I won’t be leaving with him. 

As we part to our separate rooms, he tells me, “I’m going to go book our flight for tomorrow. It’ll probably be early so you can head to bed now.” 

_How thoughtful_ , I suppress an eye roll. “Actually, I forgot to tell you, I’ll be booking my own flight. I’m going to be staying in San Diego for another day or two.”

“Oh. Are you going to visit big brother Bill?”

“No. Uh, actually it’s personal so I wouldn’t think to bother you with it.” This seems to get his attention. He looks at me dead on with his eyebrows raised. 

“Uh, fine. I just won’t book a ticket for you.” I know him well enough to see him hiding his slight hurt behind coldness. He closes his motel room door before I can say anything else. 

When I get into my room I take a deep breath trying to build the courage to call John. I double check that the adjoining door is locked before I grab my cell phone. Deep breaths, come on Dana you can do this. You want this. 

He answers on the second ring. “Kresge.”

“Hi, John, it’s Dana Scully.”

“Dana Scully. How is your domestic undercover case going?”

“We just wrapped it up actually. I’m going to be in town for a couple more days and I was wondering if your offer still stood. I would love to catch up.” I say hopeful, feeling like I’m in highschool again. 

“Of course. I’m free tomorrow night actually if you are. I know this nice Italian place. Far enough from the field office and close enough to civilization that we can forget about work for a bit.”

I laugh lightly, “That actually sounds perfect.”

“I should be off around 4, I can pick you up around 6?”

“I look forward to it.”

We say our goodbyes and I flop down onto the bed. Feeling lighter than I have in a while. Ready to be wined and dined and treated nicely. 

\------------------

Mulder leaves early the next morning without saying anything, but I hear the slam of his car door before he leaves. Without a surplus of luggage and clothing, I decided to take a cab to a nearby mall to pick out a date appropriate outfit. I end up with a sheer black top that shows off my black lace bra and long flowy black skirt. At a loss of how to style my recent haircut, I go for a slicked back look and top it off with heavier than normal makeup. Tonight I want to be seen as a woman and I want to enjoy my time. 

When John picks me up, I know I chose the right outfit. As he opens the passenger side car door, he looks me over and seems at a loss for words. Until he finally speaks, “no way the FBI provided you that for your assignment.”

I laugh and sit in the seat, “You would be correct, sir” I say slyly. He moves into his seat and starts the car. “ I thought so, this is much better. I feel like I can actually see you now.” I blush as he pulls away from the motel parking lot. En route to the restaurant we pass by a beautiful beach. I can’t help but feeling strikingly sullen at the memory of the last time I was here. Learning of Emily’s existence, trying to adopt her, then finally dealing with her death. I had dreamt of bringing her to this very beach before flying to D.C if my application had gone through and she lived…

I’m taken out of my reverie as John begins to talk to me. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to notice that I’m upset. I put on my mask and smile, trying desperately to be distracted by his handsome smile and shining eyes. As he makes small talk and fills me with pleasantries, I begin to relax. 

During dinner I can’t help but be enthralled with him. John Kresge on a date is almost nauseatingly charming, but tonight it is working for me. I can’t get enough of his wit, the way he looks at me, and his captivating stories. The 4 glasses of wine I had certainly don’t hurt either. For the first time in a long time, Mulder is the furthest thing from my mind. With my inhibitions lowered, I decide to make a move. Reaching over the small table, I capture his perfect lips with mine. He tastes sweet like the wine we drank and savoury like the pasta he ate. I continue to deepen the kiss, my hand seductively rubbing his forearm, my foot has been caressing his calf for the last half hour. He pulls away with a smile and signals to our waiter for the cheque. 

He takes me to his condo. I find it’s very neat and organized. You can tell he doesn’t spend a lot of time here but when he does, it becomes his sanctuary. Much like my home. We make some awkward small talk, both trying to be polite, before my lips are on his again. 

“Take me to your bedroom.” I say in between kisses. He doesn’t hesitate, pulling me gently by the hand down the hallway. When we get to the foot of the bed, lips still entangled, we remove each other's clothing, piece by piece until we stand bare before each other. Like the gentleman he is, John tosses me onto his bed and positions himself between my open thighs. He starts to work me first slowly and exploratory with his tongue and fingers. But he’s a quick learner with clear experience and it doesn’t take me long to come undone. He climbs up my body with kisses while I catch my breath. His lips are once again on mine. This kiss is passionate and messy. A precursor to the main course. I reach down between us giving him one, two long strokes. Without breaking contact with my lips, he reaches into his bedside table and pulls out a condom. As he’s putting it on, I hear my cell phone ringing from our pile of clothes on the ground. He looks at me questioningly. 

“Just ignore it.” I tell him as he settles between my thighs. I feel his tip at my opening when my cell phone begins ringing again. 

“You should grab that, it could be an emergency.” He tells me in between pants. I groan and reach for my phone. 

“Ugh, it’s my partner.” I settle back with him still between my legs. 

“Miller?” He jokes. 

"Exactly." We both can't help but laugh. I hook my legs around his thighs and pull him into me. We both gasp as he buries himself to the hilt inside of me. The ringing of my phone continues. 

“What?” I answer the phone harshly, panting heavily. 

“Scully? It’s me, are you alright? You sound out of breath.” His voice is full of concern but I can hardly care with John kissing my neck and sensually rotating his hips.

“I’m fine. What is up, Mulder?” I ask, attempting to steady my breath. 

“I, uh, just wanted to apologize for acting coldly last night and this morning. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you to be back in San Diego. God knows I thought about Emily enough while we were there, I can only imagine what it was like for you.” 

Great. Really perfect. I try to turn my mind off, focus on John and the steady pace he’s now creating with his thrusts. I need to get off this phone now. 

“Mulder-” I try but am interrupted as he clearly needs to get his thoughts out now. 

“Especially this morning on my way to the airport. I passed by this beach and I couldn’t help imagining us bringing her there. Picturing you two running along the sand and splashing in the water… I’m sorry for our distance lately. I really should have been a better friend while we were there.” 

Fuck him. Really, why did he have to go and be so thoughtful. Burrowing his way into my soul right as I was enjoying the burrow of another man. My eyes are filled to the brim with tears now. John looks up from where he is suckling my neck and notices. 

“Hey, Dana, are you alright?” His look is so tender, my body is on fire from his ministrations, and now my heart is breaking from Mulder’s words. I am utterly overwhelmed and can’t suppress a heavy sigh allowing a few tears to fall. I try to nod convincingly, but it doesn't work. He wipes the tears from my face and tries to pull away but my ankles on his thighs keep him locked in place. I nearly forget about Mulder on the phone, but he is still there, having heard our exchange. 

“Scully?”

“Now’s not a good time, Mulder. I’ll talk to you when I get back.” I hang up the phone without allowing him another word. I don’t think I could take it. I take a few deep breaths, calming myself. Looking back at John, he is staring at me with concern in his eyes, having stopped his thrusts long ago. "Sorry about that." 

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I will be. Make me feel good please.” And he does. He is thoughtful, tender, and passionate. Through the night we sigh, pant, laugh, and come together. Right now, he is exactly what I need. We eventually fall asleep at early dawn as the sunrise is beginning to peak through his curtains. I am only awarded a short sleep. My body and mind restless from the evening before. I put on my clothes and give John a kiss letting him know that I will keep in touch and thanking him for a truly lovely evening. As I leave his condo and head back to the motel, I know what I have to do to help cleanse my soul of the painful past few months, years really. After changing into a suitable pants suit I take a cab to the cemetery where we buried Emily. My daughter, my flesh and blood that I didn’t have the opportunity to properly love, to nurture, to raise. The little girl that left such a large hole in my heart.

I purchase a small bundle of Daisies from a flower cart near the cemetery entrance, because they really are the friendliest flowers. She was such a sweet, but shy little girl, she deserves only the friendliest of flowers. I approach her tombstone and trace the sweet letters of her name before placing the flowers in front of it. Here, I allow myself to finally and fully breakdown. When I catch my breath, I talk to her. Tell her how much I love and miss her. I let her know that even though I am busy, I never forget about her. I tell her about her cousin Matthew and the rest of her biological family that did not get to know her. I then tell her about Mulder, Mr. Potato Head. How he thinks about her too and misses her as well. After some parting words and kiss from my hand onto the tombstone, I straighten my back and take deep calming breaths. I ready myself to re-engage with the work and life Re-energized and recentered. Ready to continue to fight for justice for Emily, Melissa, and for me. Because if there’s one thing I know, this is personal.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was going through Mulders mind during the last chapter?

_You’re making this personal_

Yeah, I know. Low blow. Definitely not my finest moment. 

But, what can I say? I was at my wits ends, so extremely frustrated with Scully. She was acting like a jealous, insecure girlfriend. As if I don’t know my ex-wife. And to bring the Gunmen into it. Of course they sided with her. They still haven’t fully forgiven me for the way I spoke to her, but I guess I can’t really blame them. I just wish they saw things from my point of view. 

I know Diana Fowley. She believes me, trusts me, loves me. It may be a cold, sometimes distant kind of love, but that’s familiar to me. The kind of love I always received growing up. We’ve been through so much together and I just honestly don’t know if I could handle even my ex-wife working against me. It’s just too much. So, I didn’t want to believe Scully and I wanted to hurt her, getting her off my back in the process. 

The kind of love and support I receive from Scully is unparalleled to anybody else in my life, including my family and it scares the hell out of me. So, I push it away so she doesn't hurt me first. It’s what I do, I guess. I mean, I have a degree in psychology, I can name, diagnose, and clinically understand what I’m doing, but it doesn’t stop me from doing it. 

Suffice to say, things have been rocky between Scully and I for a while. I was, of course, overjoyed to get the x-files back. I knew we would never talk about what happened, so I really have been trying to make things between us pleasant. I’ve invited her on non cases so she would feel included, I’ve tried to be agreeable and excitable in the office, and even now, on this stupid undercover case, I’ve tried to keep things light. I’ve been joking around with her. I wish she would understand that I’m trying to laugh with her not at her. But, she just claims that I’m not taking the case seriously. 

Damn right, I’m not taking this case seriously. It’s a bullshit, non x-file, case that Skinner put us up to, probably just for a laugh. So excuse me, if I’m not taking it completely seriously. However, a few jokes don’t stop me from trying to find out what is going on so we can get the hell out of here. 

So, I’ve got a plan to test a theory. Get this show on the road. I’m gonna mess up the front yard a bit, then I’m gonna sit and watch to see what our Howdy Doodly neighbours do about it. However, on hour two of sitting and waiting, I’m starting to regret this. At least Scully is out for the day, I think breathing space is good for us. 

Usually, on cases my mind is pure focus, however on this bogus one, sitting here, my mind can’t help but wander.. I am reminded of the last time I was on the sunny coast. I flew out here at a moment's notice when Scully called to ask for my help. I got here and met the little girl with her DNA that she didn’t know existed. The second I met her, I swear I could see the Scully in her. It made everything real. This wasn’t just any child, this was Scully’s daughter. I feel an immense guilt that we were unable to save her. Yet another tragedy in her life thanks to me. Just put it on my tab. 

I really want to finish this stupid case, so we can get the hell out of here.

\-------------------

We’re finally done this stupid case. Heading to a motel for the night, the rental car feels awkwardly silent. Which is unusual, since we often enjoy companionable silence, what with how much time we spend together, especially in cars. There seems to be something on her mind. I’m not gonna pry though. At this point, if she wants to tell me, she will. 

I check us into the motel then bring her the keys. Before we separate, I tell her the plan to book our tickets for the morning. This is when she chooses to tell me that she won’t be coming back with me. _Thanks for the heads up._ I try to keep my tone casual though, “Oh. Are you going to visit big brother Bill?”

“No. Uh, actually it’s personal so I wouldn’t think to bother you with it.” _Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be.?_

“Uh, fine. I just won’t book a ticket for you.” Keeping my tone even, I go into my motel room, closing the door before she can say anything else, effectively ending this conversation. I guess that’s how things are going to be. 

Inside, I flop down onto the bed wondering what the hell that was all about. I know she’s still hurt and upset about what I said, but I really can’t stand this passive aggressive shit. After booking my ticket, I decide to take a hot shower, to relieve some of the tension from my neck since I can’t seem to relieve the tension in our relationship. 

The next morning, I leave the motel bright and early, despite the fact that my flight isn’t until 11am. I don’t even say good-bye to Scully on my way out. Wouldn’t want to bother her. An early morning Scully is nobody’s friend anyway. I just feel like I need space to get out of my own mind. 

Driving along the coast, I notice a beach. A specific beach I remember passing quite a few times the last time I was here with Scully. My mind wanders to hopes and dreams long dead. Before I even realise it, I’m driving to the cemetery where we buried Emily. I remember the days following her funeral, taking Scully here and walking the grounds and the nearby walking trail a number of times. It was good for both of us to get out of Bill's house to breathe away from her infant nephew and rest of the family. 

Walking up to the tombstone, I can’t help but grimace at the name. _Emily Sim._ It should have been Emily Scully and she shouldn’t be buried at all. I’ve always found cemeteries to be incredibly peaceful. Since Samatha’s disappearance and still being unable to find her, I’ve come to realize that being dead and buried by your family can be a luxury. However, today standing in front of this little girl's grave, all I feel is guilt and grief. I say a few words in hopes of reaching Emily’s spirit. I even say the Hail Mary. Maggie would be so proud. A row of cars appears and family members clutching each other make their way to the adjacent lot to bury their loved one. Feeling as though I’ve overstayed my welcome, I say good-bye to Emily and make my way to the airport. An intense empathy towards Scully sits in my gut and I feel like an absolute Jackass for the way I’ve been treating her. 

\----------------------

After an uneventful flight back to D.C, I make my way into my apartment. The harsh D.C cold in comparison to the Cali heat is a welcome assault on my senses. It just feels right. I’m happy to be home. Even if my home is dark, dirty, and lonely. It is indeed, home sweet home. 

Flopping down onto my leather couch, I am once again reminded of Scully as the birthday present I got for her sits wrapped on my coffee table. When I found out that we would be out of town on assignment during her birthday, I figured it wouldn’t be appropriate to bring it. I had actually planned on inviting her up after our flight today. But, obviously things didn’t really work out that way. 

I try to distract my mind and conscience. I put in one of the videos from my collection to try to numb myself. However, my thoughts continually drift back to Scully and Emily. Realizing how hard it must have been for her to be back in San Diego along with me giving her the cold shoulder, I feel like an absolute prick. 

Putting it off for as long as I could, I finally pick up my phone. I need to apologize and we need to talk about what happened. It’s eating away at me and I know she resents me. I just want my best friend back. 

Dialing her number, I feel an unjustifiable amount of anxiety. _What if she doesn’t want to talk to me? I don’t even really deserve her forgiveness._

When she doesn’t answer me, my anxiety increases. I know she’s in a negative headspace, I just hope she didn’t do anything stupid. Again she doesn’t answer. Anxiety now at an all time high, I just need to know she’s alright.

Calling her again, she finally answers, however my worries do not subside as she answers with “what?” instead of her normal, professional “Scully.” She also sounds upset and out of breath. 

Claiming she’s fine, I decide to forge on with my apology. She tries to interrupt me, but I just need to get it out. Telling her about me imagining the three of us on a beach together isn’t easy. I’m trying to be honest with her though. When I’m finished, I give her time to respond, understanding this may be upsetting or overwhelming for her. 

That’s when I hear it. “Hey, Dana, are you alright?” from a distinct male voice on the other end of the phone. The voice sounds a little familiar, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Definitely not Bill. Maybe a friend of hers from back in the day? He sounds so close to the mouthpiece of her phone. Who is it? 

Then I hear a distinct, heavy Scully sigh. She’s definitely upset. Although, she almost seems to have forgotten about me on the phone. 

“Scully?” I prompt, trying to bring her back to me. 

“Now’s not a good time, Mulder. I’ll talk to you when I get back.” She says quickly. 

“Wait, Scully. Scully?” But she’s already off the phone and I’m left once again in my apartment, lonely, guilt ridden, and missing my best friend. 

Who was she with though? Why didn’t she want me to know who it was? What were they doing together that had her out of breath? I know it shouldn’t be bothering me this much, but, I can’t help it. I can’t help taking it personally.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion to our story in which Mulder and Scully actually communicate their thoughts and feelings.

When Scullys plane lands in D.C, she feels refreshed. Getting in her car, she takes a deep breath then starts driving. Determined, she drives to Mulders apartment instead of her own. He had tried to call her to talk about things while she was still in California, but it was not the right time. She knows this conversation should be done in person and she knows she will be unable to rest until they have it. 

Knocking on his door, she feels butterflies in her stomach waiting for him to open it. Then there he is. 

“Oh, hey Scully. I wasn’t sure when you would be back in town.” He says, clearly surprised by her sudden arrival. 

“Yeah, I, uh, I just got in.” She pauses, feeling slightly uncomfortable. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, yes. Of course.” He opens the door wider, making room for her. He closes and locks it behind them while she makes her way to his couch. 

“Do you want any tea or coffee?” Mulder asks from the living room threshold. 

“Tea would be great if you have some.” He nods before turning to the kitchen to prepare their drinks. Scully stares absentmindedly at the wall, listening to the domestic sounds coming from the kitchen. In her mind, she replays conversations they’ve had and what she wants to say now. 

When Mulder returns to the living room, she doesn’t seem to notice at first, her fixed star gazed look still locked onto the wall. He clears his throat to get her attention before sitting next to her on his couch. 

“Thank you,” she says as he hands her a mug of green tea. They sit in silence, each cradling their mugs in their hands and blowing on the hot liquid. She’s the first to break the silence with a sigh. She places her mug on the coffee table and turns her body so she’s facing him. 

“So, I think now would be a good time to talk. Last night, I wasn’t in the right space,” she blushes slightly at the memory of where she was last night. 

“Right,” he downcasts his eyes, remembering the voice of the concerned man on the other end of his phone. “Like I was trying to say last night, I know things have been kinda tense between us recently. And I am sorry for allowing that to cloud my judgement while we were in San Diego. I should have been more mindful.” He releases a deep breath, as though a great weight has been lifted. 

“Mulder, I appreciate that. But, I need to know if you understand the source of our recent tension.” She stares at him, beckoning him to meet her eye. He finally does. 

“Well, things were at all time low with the whole Diana and Cassandra Spender, El Rico fiasco.” He plays dumb.

“Mulder, do you remember what you said to me right before that _fiasco_?” She purses her lips.

“Yes,” he responds quietly, ashamed, still meeting her eyes. 

“Do you understand how much that hurt me?” 

“Yes, but-”

“No, Mulder! No buts. That was the lowest blow you could have shot and you know that.” Her voice gradually rising in volume. 

“I know, but you weren’t listening to me. You were so blinded by some kind of hate or jealousy for Diana that you couldn’t be reasoned with.” His voice also rising to meet her pitch. “I mean, you got the Gunmen involved for Christs sake. Just because you thought you couldn’t trust her.”

“And I was right, Mulder! She was working with the Smoking man, she was working against us, she was trying to drive a wedge between us! You wouldn’t listen to me, you wouldn’t trust _me_ , I thought maybe you would listen to the Gunmen.” She sighs exasperated. “Even now, after everything, you’re still her great defender. Disregarding everything I’ve been through.” She rises suddenly from the couch, overwhelmed with rage and begins pacing in front of his coffee table. 

“Scul-” He tries to interrupt but she forges on. 

“I mean, Jesus! You claim to feel grief for Emily, you claim to want to seek revenge for my abduction, for Samantha! That woman was keeping tabs on female abductees. She probably had files on me and Emily! And you try to slam me for taking things personally. Fuck you!” She seethes with anger. 

Mulder also rises from the couch, overcome with his own rage. He strides to stand in front of her, stopping her pacing. He bends slightly so his face is in hers. “You know I would have done anything for that little girl. For Samantha. For you!” He steps back, turning away from her and dropping his face to his hands. “You don’t know what it’s like, dammit!” 

“What?” Exasperated from her outburst, Scully sits back on the couch, body still facing him.

“You don’t know what it’s like for everybody you know, everybody you love to turn their backs on you. My friends, colleagues, bosses, ex-girlfriends. Jesus, even my own parents turned their backs on me!” 

Scully looked at him, her own rage slowly dissipating. “I haven’t,” she said quietly.

Mulder drops his hands to his hips, still unable to face her. He lets out a loud sigh. 

“You seem to forget that I have never turned my back on you. I have never worked against you. I would never break your trust, use your loyalty against you.” She pleads.

Defeated, Mulder slowly and gently returns to his seat on the couch next to Scully. Again taking a deep breath. Letting out his frustrations. “I know,” he said slightly above a whisper. “It’s just that, with my lifes track record, it’s sometimes hard for me to believe.”

“What ever happened to ‘I want to believe’?” She jokes, lightly nudging his arm with her shoulder. 

He lets out a small, sad laugh, “I _do_ want to believe. And I think deep down, I do know that you wouldn’t. But, when your own mother stops loving you, it gives you some issues.” Mulder turns slightly, so he’s now facing Scully.

When she looks into his sad eyes, she is suddenly filled with compassion and an instinctual need to protect him. “I know,” she tells him softly. “But, it is not fair for you to shut me out and deliberately hurt me when you feel insecure about somebody else betraying you.” 

“I know... Scully?” he pauses, holding her gaze in his. “I am sorry for what I said, for the way I treated you, the way I made you feel. You're the only one who's ever trusted and believed in.”

She sighs, breaking his intense gaze for a moment of respite. “I accept your apology.” 

They’re silent for a moment. Both digesting everything that has just happened. Scully suddenly laughs softly to herself. Mulder throws her a questioning look. 

“I was just imagining us at one of those team building, communication seminars.” She smiles. Mulder chuckles lightly. 

“Yeah, they would have a field day with us, wouldn’t they?” They smile at each other. Feeling the tension that has been following them for months is finally starting to lift. Scully's smile fades and she looks at him seriously.

“I want us to get past this. I want us to have somewhat of a fresh start. Sins forgiven type thing. And a part of us moving forward will require better communication on both parts.” 

“I agree,” he responds softly. After a few beats of silence, Mulder blurts out, “I kissed Diana.” 

Scully’s head shoots up to look at him, while he rambles on, “Well she kissed me. I didn’t really reciprocate, but I also didn’t really stop it at first. I was just in shock I guess. Once, I realized what was happening, I did pull back. I just figured, in the spirit of starting off clean, you should know.” 

He takes a deep breath then looks over to gauge her reaction. She’s still looking at him in shock before letting out a giggle. It’s his turn to look shocked at her sudden giggle fit. 

“I gotta say, that’s a bit a relief, considering I thought you may have been fucking her.” He just gapes at her, shocked by the accusation and use of vulgar vocabulary. 

“What? No, no, no. Of course not. Not that it, uh, wouldn’t have been an option if I wanted to. But, I really didn’t want to go back there with her.” 

She stops giggling and takes a leveling breath, “thanks for letting me know. And I guess if we’re being honest, cleaning the slate, I should let you know that last night I was with John Kresge.”

_John Kresge_? Mulder racks his brain to remember where he knows that name from. Like a slap in the face, it hits him. John Kresge, the San Diego field office, that familiar voice on the phone. The detective from the Sim case. The last he heard of him, he was recovering from being exposed to the toxic green blood. _Good to hear he got his groove back_ , Mulder thinks to himself. 

“Oh,” is all he can say, hurt evident on his face. His stomach suddenly feels like lead, familiar twangs of jealousy prick at him. “Did you sleep with him?” he asks sheepishly, already knowing the answer. Scully just nods, almost looking guilty. “Well I guess that’s understandable, considering you thought I was fucking Diana.” He chuckles humourlessly. 

“That’s not why I did it, Mulder.” She sighs “I don’t know, maybe that was part of it. He was just nice and I needed to release some tension. I’m no prude. But, it was just sex, a one time thing. There’s no emotional connection there.” _Unlike you and Diana_ , goes unsaid. They’re both quiet left to ponder which is worse, an emotional or physical affair. 

He’s momentarily reminded of Ed Jerse, but quickly pushes the thought away not wanting to open that can of worms again. It was in the past and realistically, she had the right to do whatever and whoever she wanted. He was just thankful that she told him this time without him having to ask about the man on the phone last night. So, for what seems like the first time, Fox Mulder decides to take the high road. Pushing his pride, hurt, and jealousy aside. 

“Clean slate.” he nods, offering his hand to her. Looking down at his hand then into his eyes, he smiles slightly, she takes his hand in hers and they shake them. Still holding her hand but no longer shaking it, they look deep into each others eyes.

“Before leaving San Diego, I went to visit Emily’s grave.” She says quietly. 

“So did I,” he responds in an equally quiet voice. She gapes at him, slightly shocked.

“You did?” 

“Yes. I meant what I said last night. I think about her often. I imagine the three of us going to the beach, the zoo, watching those Disney movies, colouring pictures together. How the two of us would probably team up against you, since I’m just an overgrown child. All of it.” She chuckles with tears brimming her eyes. 

“Would you have really wanted to be in her life?” She asks sheepishly, feeling slightly insecure. 

“Of course. I love kids, and you know I have a weakness for the Scully women and from the little time I spent with her, I could tell she was a Scully through and through.” At this, she is unable to stop the tears from falling silently down her cheeks. “Would you have wanted me to be in your lives?” he asks shyly. 

“Of course, Mulder. I couldn’t have imagined it any other way.” He reaches out to wipe her tears away as fresh ones spill over. They look adoringly into each other's eyes for a moment. Suddenly, a thought hits Mulder and he rises from the couch, retrieving a small rectangular wrapped gift from his desk. 

“I know, it’s a little late, but I didn’t want to bring it to Arcadia. Happy Birthday, Scully.” He smiles. 

She wipes away the remaining tears before grabbing the proffered gift. “Mulder, you remembered?” She says almost in disbelief. 

“Well yeah. It’s been 6 years, Scully. I only pretend to be as stupid as I look.” He jokes. She shoves him playfully before tearing the gift paper. 

When she reveals the gift, she gapes at him. “Oh, Mulder.” It’s a first edition copy of Moby Dick. It looks lovingly worn but still perfectly intact. Flipping through the pages, she inhales the sweet scent of old books and dated paper. She is transported back to sitting on her father’s knee when she was a child. Listening to him read the story to her over and over. Their special thing. She feels more tears threaten to spill down her cheeks, but she wills them away. She figures she’s cried enough tonight, but she can’t help but feel immensely touched by the thoughtful gift. 

“Where did you find this?” she asks after a beat. 

“There’s this cute little vintage book shop a couple blocks from your place in Georgetown actually. It was a lucky find, though. Do you like it?”

“Mulder, I love it. Thank you so much.” She gently places the book on the coffee table in front of them and turns to Mulder and pulls him into a tight embrace. They both sigh, enjoying the feeling of one another. The tension as of recently, finally relieved. They continue to hold each other, silently acknowledging the depth of the hug, beyond a ‘thank you for the birthday present' hug. 

Slowly releasing each other, Mulder grabs both her hands, “you’re welcome” he says just above a whisper. Sitting on his couch, they continue to gaze at each other, having a conversation solely with their eyes, reflecting on the evening and the past 6 years together. It’s painfully clear now to both of them, their partnership has always been and always will be personal.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first story. I hope you like it! I would love feedback as well.


End file.
